Cow

Kalina: "Waaaahhh!"
Me: "Look, here's your cow!"
Kalina: "Waaa???"
Me: "Cow says 'moo!'"
Kalina: "Wa..."
Me: "Look, Cow kissed you!" (touching Cow's nose to Baby's cheek)
Kalina: ":)"

And so another diaper change has begun.

One of our most valuable baby items has been a small black-and-white-spotted stuffed cow. Ever since week 2 it's had an honored spot on our diaper-changing table (if, indeed, any spot there can be considered honored).

We introduced Cow to Kalina in week 2 because we were told babies that age enjoy black-and-white objects. Having, then, to choose between Cow and our bad cat, we picked Cow for her small size and ability to be obedient. Cow and Kalina have been friends ever since.

Cow and Mommy are great friends, too, as Cow provides much-needed distraction and babysitting abilities during much-dreaded diaper changes.

Kalina has always detested getting her diaper changed, usually because it keeps her from eating. She lets us know by her screams, the worst of which are the red-faced, squinty-eyed, open-mouthed silent type that make us wonder when our daughter will ever surface for air.

Cow helps for about 80% of Daddy's diaper changes and 20% of Mommy's (the following diaper change scenario, being typical, is not representative of Cow's involvement).

Here's how a typical diaper change unfolds for Daddy:
Place Baby on changing table beside Cow.
Change diaper while Baby stares happily at Cow.
Cuddle Baby.
When Baby gets fussy, pass her to Mommy for feeding.
Play video games.

And here's how a typical diaper change unfolds for Mommy:

Put Baby on changing table. Ignore whimpers.
Gather all necessary supplies so we can make this as quick as possible.
Place Cow near Baby's head and make sure Baby sees her. Play a little.
Ignore faint cries.
Take the plunge: undo the diaper.
Sing lullabies to try to soothe screaming baby or at least drown out screams.
Slide a new diaper under Baby.
Wipe Baby.
Notice an all-to-familiar wet warmth, probably brought on by excessive screaming.
Gently remind Baby that this will definitely not get this over with faster.
Review in mind the order of operations for fixing this problem now that my hand, the baby's bottom (and the foot she stuck in the puddle before I could prevent this), the changing pad cover, her onesie, the old diaper and the new diaper are all dirty.
Ignore Baby's red-faced screams. Hope neighbors are ignoring them too.
Slide Baby to a clean section of changing pad cover. Try to keep her feet and hands away from the dirty part.
Dry hands and clean with hand sanitizer.
While trying to keep Baby's hands and feet away from the mess.
Put aside all dirty diapers. Grab a clean one.
While trying to keep Baby's hands and feet away from the mess.
Put clean diaper on Baby.
While trying to keep Baby's hands and feet away from the mess.
Remove onesie. Ignore shrieks.
While trying to keep Baby's hands and feet away from the mess.
Give Baby a quick sponge bath with wipes.
While trying to keep Baby's hands and feet away from the mess.
Change changing pad cover.
Put on a clean onesie [this could be a separate post all in itself]. Hope Baby breathes again.
Spend the next 15 minutes, at least, calming Baby down.
Do laundry.
Hear the all-too-familiar noise that means another diaper change is in the near future.

*sigh*