Adventures With Two: Good Mommy-Bad Mommy

There are lots of times in a mommy's life when she's presented with two choices. Do you change the baby's diaper after she's simultaneously pooped and drifted off to sleep, or let her be? Do you let the toddler have ice cream and a donut, both in the same day, because, well, look how happy she is, or do you deprive her because two treats in one day would be crazy?

Although in my sane moments I realize that in some challenges of mommydom there actually aren't right answers, at the time there's often no way to escape the choice without at least a little mommy guilt. "I left my baby in a dirty diaper because it took 2 hours of rocking to get her to finally sleep!" Or, "I let the toddler have both treats, now her teeth will rot and fall out and it'll be all my fault, plus she'll be spoiled!"

However, this particular Wednesday morning I had no doubt about how to be a good mommy. Kalina's playgroup was planning to tour the fire station, and with Kalina's ongoing fascination about fire trucks, we had to be there. At 10:00 a.m., as a matter of fact.

The fire station being one goal of the morning, the other goal was to get poor Elise, whose sleep even at this tender age is always at the mercy of her older sister, to take a decent nap. Anywhere, but preferably in her crib. Or if not in her crib, in her bouncy seat. Or if not in her bouncy seat, in my arms, which is increasingly difficult for her with all the distractions that come along with getting a toddler ready for the day (have you ever tried to dress an unwilling 2-year-old while holding a floppy newborn you're trying to rock into dreamland? It's fun for no one.).

Those were my only goals, and it shows: The house is a mess, I'm wearing no makeup (not unusual these days) and was neither fed well nor particularly hydrated this morning. We also watched TV first thing. For all this, I cared not. I had my goals.

An hour and 20 minutes after embarking on goal #2 (the nap), Elise had finally drifted off in her bouncy seat. I silently cheered and ushered Kalina around the house, finalizing snacks and all our luggage for the 30-minute fire station visit.

At times, in mommyhood, you can cross your fingers and be lucky in even the riskiest of your endeavors. Sometimes you actually can distract your toddler from the fact that you forgot her snack cup at home, or leave your baby in a diaper that probably doesn't have any poop in it, and you come out ahead. So when the time came to unswaddle Elise and transfer her to her carseat, I banked on the hope that she'd fall back asleep instead of waking hungry and screaming. It just had to work out, right? Kalina needed to get to the fire station, and it was high time for us to be going!

It did not work out. Elise wasn't even mellow-hungry, she was starving-hungry, and, really, I couldn't blame her.

I hate moments like this--when you have to choose between two kids. Does one child miss the fire station trip? Or does the other child go hungry for 15 minutes, and possibly cry all the way to the fire station?

Both kids were in the car by now. I wondered if I could tide Elise over with a few sips from her bottle.

Nope. This was no "I could just snack a little bit" baby--her hunger was the real thing. I writhed inwardly. And then, with a personality that strives to disappoint no one, I resolved to drive while holding the bottle for the baby, even though I would need to dislocate at least one arm to do so.

And this is when I became a bad mommy--probably the worst in my social circle. In order to transfer myself to the driver's seat, I had to prop the bottle up for Elise for a minute. And lookee here, the baby is happy, the toddler is happy and I'm happy--all in the same second.

And so I did the unthinkable--I left it propped, and started to drive. There we were: Kalina munching on her snack cup, me driving via the view in the backseat mirror as I watched for any signs of choking, and the 1-month-old contentedly gulping her bottle with no one to hold it or her. I was glad the drive to the station was only 10 minutes, with plenty of possible stops along the way.

I hadn't heard anything about this practice being illegal, but I couldn't help but imagine that if social services heard about it they'd cart my kids away. I figured that anything that makes Mommy's life easier must be illegal, like leaving your baby in the swing too much or letting your toddler eat raw cookie dough, and lots of it, because while she cleans off the beater you can tackle the mess in the kitchen. I hoped we wouldn't pass any police cars on the way.

Then I realized Elise needed a diaper change, too. We stopped a mile down the road at a park for me to check on Elise and change her. She was mostly done with the bottle, and let out a little burp when I unbuckled her seat belt. Fastest feeding ever.

But it gets worse. It soon became apparent that I'd forgotten to restock the diaper bag after our last outing. Although I was prepared with crackers for Kalina and a clean outfit for Elise, there was not a single diaper in the large bag. Worst. Mommy. Ever.

Fortunately, I was once a good mommy, and had stocked some of Kalina's diapers in the seat pocket. I pulled one out. It was probably a size 3, which says two things. First, it was realistically too big for Elise, reaffirming my original incompetence. What's more, it's probably been almost a year since Kalina has worn a size 3. The diaper would fit neither child well. *sigh*

But it would have to do.

And then, out of sheer desperation (I knew we were running late, and also had realized my changing pad was at the bottom of Kalina's laundry hamper), and following the basic principle mentioned earlier that sometimes just work out, I decided it'd be a good idea to try to change the diaper while Elise was still in the carseat. It was not.

I breathed a sigh of relief, though, when I saw that the diaper wasn't actually too bad of a fit for Elise, and that we had 3 minutes left to be at the fire station on time .

Once there (late, of course), Good Mommy prevailed. Kalina had a lovely time and Elise took a nice nap in her cozy wrap. Worth all the trouble. (see pictures)

The super-friendly and patient firefighters let our toddlers explore an entire fire truck, and wander at will around the garage. It was great fun, and although most were a bit too timid to actually "drive" the truck, they all appreciated the opportunity.

Photo 1: Kalina "riding" a fire truck.
Photo 2: We all made it!
Photo 3: The "boys" playgroup that Kalina is an honorary member of. I like how she's the only one smiling.