Being a second child

There are many times every day when I find myself saying or thinking, "Poor Elise." For lots of different babyish reasons (you can't have a bite of this delicious cake, or yes, you have to wear a hat even though no one else is, etc.), but most of them involve Kalina in some way: the toddler may have just shrieked into her ear, or is dawdling in a parking lot on a particularly cold and windy day, thus exposing the rest of us to more chill than we generally enjoy.

I find myself thinking, "These things would never have happened to Kalina!" Which my healthy amount of Mommy Guilt distorts into "I'm a bad mommy for having another child before Elise."

The problem is, I'm a second child, too, so for better or worse, I'm bound and determined to make sure Elise plays second fiddle to no one as far as her upbringing is concerned. (Not that I did, no matter how much my big brother may have wanted me to believe it at the time. :) )

The other problem is that I can't clone myself so I can be a "perfect" mommy for two kids at once, no matter how much Internet research I put into that process.

So instead, I'm forced to downplay the negative and accentuate the positive when it comes to my second child, Elise.

Aside from never getting to choose her own naptime story and being in constant bodily peril due to a toddler whose exuberance occasionally exceeds her abilities, many of the "Poor Elise's" come from the fact that she's often asked to show patience far beyond what was (and sometime still is) required of Kalina. "Poor Elise," I bemoan. "That amazingly intriguing toy is just out of reach, but I can't get it for you until Kalina's broken plastic egg is all taped up because she'll complain louder and won't forgive me nearly as quickly as you will!"

Don't tell her, but Elise's downfall is that she handles the inevitable waits incredibly well.

(And in Kalina's defense, when you've gone from owning 100% of Mommy's time, or so it seems, down to 50%, it's a bigger shift than most adults would be comfortable with, let alone a 2-year-old mommy's girl. Kalina's actually done great overall.)

Additionally, Elise occasionally has her work cut out for her to capture her fair share of my attention. Not yet old enough to pull a lamp down on herself or pour water all over the floor, she must rely on coos, cries and overall cuteness as she constantly competes with her older sister (who is indeed old enough to have done the aforementioned things).

Worse, the baby sometimes just has to be okay on her own. Which is sad, until I realize that she'll be much better off in the long run if she doesn't constantly require an entire other person to make her smile and kiss her owies.

Sometimes I try to make all this up to Elise in sneaky ways. I hoard any toy or book of Kalina's that the older girl seems to have forgotten about, plotting to "disappear" it for a while before letting it just show up in Elise's room--an unspoken golden rule of toddlerdom being that if it came from your room, it unquestionably belongs to you. Or I tell Kalina I'm going upstairs to change Elise's diaper and spend an extra couple of minutes pretending to munch on one of the baby's feet while she chews the other (it's a game we like to play).

But then, there are also times when I think Elise has the better end of the deal, coming second. Not only are her days a lot more interesting than Kalina's were (because as hard as I try, I really don't think I'm as entertaining to have around as a goofy toddler is), but I'm pretty sure she sleeps better since I kind of know what I'm doing now, except for the last few nights when she's done an incredible job of following exactly in her sister's footsteps in that arena. *yawn*

Elise also has the advantage of hearing a constant stream of basic English language. "Yes, there is an orange cat rolling around in the street." "Yes, the cat is taking a bath by licking himself." "Yes, the cat is crossing the street to follow us." And so forth. She will probably be able to respond with, "Let's feed the cat hot dogs!" by her first birthday.

Of course, as she grows there will be other benefits and drawbacks. But for now, when being second becomes a bit too much for poor Elise, I simply try to give her an extra tickle or smile to let her know that she's the cutest and sweetest girl in the whole world. Along with her big sister, of course.