Ouch.

The kids get along great when they're
watching TV! (During our long week
of sickness.)

My children's new favorite hobby is beating up on each other. It took me a while to be able to say this out loud: first, because I was in denial, second, because I didn't think this could happen to two sweet little girls (they ARE sweet, I promise!), and third, because I thought it was a stage and they'd grow out of it. But it's now officially not a stage, or at least a little one, so I have to try to fix it.

And it's gotten bad. The one time today when Elise wasn't trying to hit Kalina, they hugged. I happened to be wheeling them around Hobby Lobby in a shopping cart, and everyone around rushed for their cameras. I would've too, except I had to have my hands handy in case the beatings began again.

Poor Kalina, who has to be the "big girl" in this situation, is bearing the brunt of the attacks. At first, Elise only hit out of intense frustration, for lack of scalding words to pour onto the situation, or strength to grab back the toy kazoo that had been yanked out of her hands. But more recently, she's resorted to random acts of terror, stride-by boppings and unprovoked smacks right onto her sister's head. Her aim is impeccable. The only thing that saves the day is the fact that she's not big enough to actually hurt anyone. Poor Kalina, though--it's no fun to be the object of a 1 1/2-year-old's wrath when you're not much older.

New, engaging activity: oobleck!
It's cornstarch and water, so
Elise was allowed to dunk
her crackers in it.

And yet, as much as I'm tempted to, I certainly can't allow the bigger girl to retaliate in kind. Kalina prefers kicking over hitting, or subtly stepping on Elise (or trying to), which can truly cause injury (not to mention a poor outlook for future relationships). We talk about how we really don't want to send Elise to the hospital (or, at least, Mommy doesn't), and how Kalina can simply walk away. But what if Elise has got Lamby in a headlock and Kalina is  also not allowed to grab things out of Elise's hands? Then we call for Mommy to sort things out, but even a full-grown human would get tired of this arrangement.

Nearly constant vigilance on Mommy's part has gotten us through the week with no major injuries. But what about next week? And the week after?

Yesterday while Kalina was in preschool (and loving it!), I mentioned my dilemma to another mom with two girls with a similar age difference. I really like her. She's very nice. And here were her strategies:

Oobleck, by the way, does
NOT keep for a week or
two in a Tupperware.
At all.

1. Discipline by hugging: Almost any problem behavior can be cured with enough hugs. The bigger the better.
2. While her girls were younger (they're 4 and 6 now), her mom came over and they were each able to follow around one girl and divert any conflicts or behavioral issues, all day, from the sounds of things.
3. There's always an underlying issue. And you can always address it positively if you work hard enough.

Neither of these tactics fits my parenting philosophies of:
1. Mommy can only do so much, and the rest is age-accordingly up to you.
2. If you're naughty too much, people can and will get a bit grumpy: this is a natural consequence.
3. We will work through any underlying issues together. But you're still not allowed to repeatedly get away with bad behavior.
4. Hugging is not a discipline method. But there will still be lots of hugs given out.

Despite the occasional retaliation, Kalina has demonstrated remarkable patience and restraint with Elise's new hobby. More so than her mommy, in fact--possibly because she doesn't have it hanging over her head that if she doesn't correct this, she'll be receiving angry text messages about her daughter the bully throughout the next 10 years. The 3-year-old does not yet run from the room when her sister makes an entrance, but she should probably consider doing so in the near future. And she's now only kicking back when she's really tired or frustrated, which I can pretty much live with. Oh, and Elise is more or less banned from Kalina's room, but that's okay, too, if it makes Kalina feel better about her new domestic situation.

So how to deter Elise? I've tried:

1. As every parenting resource recommends, saying "No!" firmly and removing Elise. What happens? Elise head bangs and hits herself, purposely hurting herself to get attention. There is no solution for this.
2. Following the kids around and distracting them with new, engaging activities. This works for about 30 minutes, at which point, it being January and cold, we run out of new, engaging activities.
3. Keeping the girls as separate as possible considering the second-favorite activity of each is sitting on my lap, within fists' reach of each other if they have to share it, and occupying my full attention. Sometimes I use their carseats to separate them, and we go out somewhere.
4. Teaching both about positive forms of touch, including tickles and light pats (not to be confused with hitting). This has been highly successful for Kalina, who has decided that Elise's hits are actually pats since they don't really hurt, and has been tickling Elise a lot. Do I leave it at that?
5. Hugging. Okay, I'll admit it. It worked for neither girl, unless I was using the hug to physically restrain Elise (she soon wriggled out).

Interestingly, Matt's idea of dumping water over Elise in the bathtub this evening when Elise wouldn't quit hitting Kalina (and yet neither girl was clean enough to get out, yet) has proven to be the most successful arrangement. Tomorrow, I'm going to try growling at her.

I should be enjoying every moment of mommyhood, I know, but this is a toughy. On the bright side:
1. Kalina is pretty incredible. Not only is she often still sweet to her sister, but she drew her first picture of a person today! And scribbled over it.
2. Elise "cooked" Play-Doh today for about 30 minutes straight while Kalina drew the aforementioned picture.
3. They hugged in a shopping cart in front of strangers. Maybe hugging kind of works after all?