The view from the back of the head

Our beautiful fall hike!

It's a strange perspective, being a mommy. Part launchpad, part coach, part shelter, and part Mama Bear, our role is nearly always behind the scenes. Literally. It's nothing you'd snap a photo of because they're always on their way to do something exciting. Over there. Because they spent the first year of their lives in Mommy's arms, and are ready to branch out (mostly). And when they do go off into the world (even if it's just the living room with their siblings), the view we get is rarely the smiley, confident front. We look down on their sweet little scalps, we see their ears, we see the back of their heads and the sides--all as they're on their way to something else.This is a good thing, of course.

As mommies, we see our kids at their best and their worst--and know that the real child is the best one, of course. Whenever they sleep a little better, whine a little less or eat those veggies, we decide that this must be the new normal, and anything less is the result of a "rough day," or "going through something." Naturally.

But we certainly don't always see our kids head-on, ready to perform. Instead, we see what goes in to making "the best" happen. "The best" sometimes takes a lot of coaxing--we know it's in there, but how do we get them to shine? Virtually always by standing next to them while they practice, walking behind them because they're a bit nervous to go on their own, and literally propping them up

Doesn't every hedgehog love
stroller rides from a cute
1-year-old? This was all
Naomi's doing!

In fact, it's only when they're very tiny, and not yet upright, that we get to see their actual faces a good portion of the time. In fact, for a good month, that's all they want to see. Cute! But all too soon, they have memorized us, just as they have the coat rack, front door and wall, and are ready for something new. Soon, they like being on their tummies--and we kneel beside them as they stare at the toys in front of them. Then they sit, and we sit behind them to keep them from topping over. Next they're pulling up, and we hover over, helping them and occasionally holding them back, but virtually never seeing the pride register on their sweet little faces. And once they begin to learn to walk, holding our hands, we look down on them from our great heights, and can only guess at their expressions. This view doesn't change until they're finally ready to take their first steps--and who better to step toward than Mommy? And for the first time in months, we see their pride and joy--which is, of course, ours as well. And from then on out, we chase. And backseat drive. And chase some more.

Back in August, we had matching outfits
and finally got to show them off!

That's not to say we don't know generally what they're thinking--most of the time, anyway (except when they're pointing emphatically to a crowded counter across the room--"Uh, uh!" and we keep guessing wrong, or refusing to acknowledge the fact that they actually want the large jar of grape jam, which is clearly off-limits).  Plus, I've gotten very good at telling by the backs of the girls' cheekbones whether their expression is delighted or serious.

Elise and I on her
field trip!

I suppose the view from the back makes the times we get to see their eyes all that more exciting. And we certainly talk face-to-face. When we're pleading with them to please stay put for a diaper change, pick up their jackets, put the lid on the glue and whatnot. We hear from others about the time they helped a young 2-year-old feel right at home at Sunday School, for instance (thank you, Elise!), or how they're the "star student" at preschool (yay, Kalina!) and all the rest. And it's not like we don't see those moments in our own homes, but they're often camouflaged by the fact that right before they hugged and agreed to marry each other, they were snatching toys, screaming and attempting to maim their sister. (You don't believe me, do you?). I love getting the whole package, but there are times I wouldn't mind the best-behavior, edited versions the rest of the world sees. But I supposed if they have to act like hyenas for someone, I'd want to have that particular honor.

At the Omaha Zoo
Aquarium!

In fact, if it weren't for impromptu family room ballet recitals, magic shows and various "tricks" they decide to perform, we might miss out on all the cool things our kids can do. And instead be trapped in our current endless loop of them jumping out from behind corners and shouting "boo" at us until we're about ready to scream ourselves. Even Naomi, although at least her little voice isn't quite loud enough to damage our hearing yet. As a side note, I've started to twitch.

Of course, a lot of the daily life is amazing and I sometimes get a sideways or motion-blurred view. The bigs run off on imaginary escapades (most often with one of them pretending to be a pet, and the other pretending to be the owner), stopping in every so often to tickle Naomi and tell her how cute she is, and then borrow all her toys. My eyes don't even know where to focus, it's such a whirlwind sometimes. With the big sisters fully engaged, Naomi and I have plenty of time together. She has taken to sitting in my lap for stories, a classic top-back view, but a very sweet one. What I can see is her little pointer finger, as eager as it is tiny, that seems to be directly wired to her brain. She is not only able to point and woof at every single dog, but also points out that the little girl in the story is like her (she points to herself), that has a bear that's like Hedgie (she points to her stuffed hedgehog). The baby will score well on standardized tests, I imagine. In a month or so, by the looks of things.

Most of the things I do see are the little things, but classic wisdom tells me (and I know it's true) that the little things are the big things. From my viewpoint,

In August, Naomi
appreciates the help!

The youngest twirls, matches animals in books to real-live stuffed versions, "talks," "cooks," gets her own snacks and generally charms us all, most of the time. Naomi still refuses to ever self-feed herself a veggie (or meat, for that matter), but will occasionally consent to eat them if they're well-mashed and, preferably, mixed with applesauce so she doesn't know they're there. She has not yet learned the rule of heights (they are not for walking off), but seems to know that the book sitting on the piano has something to do with which buttons to push. The baby definitely knows where her shoes, my shoes and the "vortex to places far cooler than indoors" is (a.k.a., the front door).

Elise's twirling dress.

The middle one likes to get all fancied up like a princess and is a serious, yet joyful ballet student. She's really into bouncy balls right now and continues in her affinity for ocean inhabitants. She's learning to pump herself on the swing (and could probably do it if her big sister weren't so sweet and helpful) and go down slides face-first. Indoors, the phrase "Elise, yogurt/applesauce/green beans/milk isn't finger food!" gets tossed around a lot, as her favorite way to eat is to take tiny pinches of her food and nibble it off her fingers. Elise delights in "mischief," but at least occasionally has the good sense to know when to ignore the urging of her big sis. Although that smile could get away with almost anything....

On vacation, Kalina petitioned for a
tri-sister sleepover. 

The oldest is proud of taking on bigger responsibilities. Putting away laundry and cleaning her room are now simple jobs (do you know how many years of nagging that took me? Or maybe she just needed to be 6...), and she'd tried her hand at vacuuming (still a bit heavy), vacuuming the stairs (she likes this one!), making PBJ for all of us (she enjoys it, but is occasionally a bit heavy on the jelly), and more. She recently astounded me by hanging in there for a 1 1/2-hour shift packing food for children overseas. Kalina has lots of good ideas, sometimes trumping Mommy for her practical innovations and even more good questions that occasionally have me stumped.


Any way you look at it, the view at our house is a good one.