Potty self-training

Classic Kalina and Elise. Kalina
can get the toddler to eat more
green beans than I can.

If only Elise would fix her own meals and finance her own college education, we'd be set--after all, she's doing everything else for herself lately. The biggest thing, of course, is potty training.

On Thursday right before naptime (bad idea), we hauled Kalina's old potty up from the basement ("New!" declared Elise both ignorantly and blissfully). Elise glued herself to it for a good 30 minutes with no success before I wrestled her into the crib for her nap.

Elise persisted in practicing all afternoon. No success.

But the next morning, after holding it for nearly three hours and then two minor accidents: success! And that's pretty much the end of diapers, and the end of my story, unless you want the gritty details:

For one, you should know that Elise completely spearheaded this effort. So far I've always been blindsided by potty training, as my kids are traditionally far more enthusiastic about it than I am. It was Elise who got the bright idea to start using the potty in the first place, and Elise who persisted despite her mommy's chipper, "You'll get it, we'll just keep practicing, let's go do something else for a while!" and the like. It was Elise's energy that never gave out during frequent trips to the potty, and frequent checks to see if the potty had worked yet ("I think I've got it this time! Do I? Nope. I'll try again. Now? No. How about now? Now? This time for sure! Not yet." Etc.). Hardly discouraged by setbacks (i.e., a dry and clean potty chair despite her best efforts), this girl would fly to the moon if she only had wings.

These bridges stayed put all of .5
seconds after Daddy built them over
the girls. But it was still quite impressive
to see Elise lay still for construction!
Again, motivation.

We mostly stayed home for several days in a row to help Elise get the hang of it--and under my watchful eye, and with a potty chair handy, we made it through some of them with virtually no accidents (and, for some reason, virtually no naps). We also made it without going completely crazy, thanks to a neighbor with three potty-trained children who thought nothing of my lugging our potty chair into her house so my kids could play with hers with limited liability, and also thanks to Grandpa, who braved potty training long enough for me to dash to the grocery store.

And then just as we were getting brave enough to venture beyond our backyard (or the neighbor's house), we mostly stayed home because Elise held onto a fever for six days, but persisted in potty training throughout. I'm pretty sure I would've given up.

Elise, for some strange reason, seemed to be enjoying herself dashing back and forth to the bathroom. It might have helped that every time she headed in that direction, she was accompanied by an entourage consisting of her hopeful mommy and her helpful big sister, not to mention an armful or two of stuffed animals and anything else Elise (or Kalina) decided it'd be necessary to scoop up along the way.  Or maybe she's really that motivated to learn.

Elise shows Grandpa the best
strawberries, while Kalina
seeks out hidden gems.

But it's still a strange thing, potty-training a 20-month-old--for some reason, even stranger than potty-training my 23-month-old. In fact, I'm stunned enough to regale anyone who will listen with the tale of Elise's potty training, and help the child pick out underwear at the store louder than I probably need to: "YOU DON'T NEED DIAPERS ANYMORE, DO YOU, SWEETIE? YOU GET TO WEAR UNDERWEAR!" Either that, or I've been trapped at home potty training my child and I'm lonely for conversation, any conversation at all.

Strangest of all is that we've hardly used bribes. I only implemented them out of desperation when Elise went most of two days without pooping, and began to voluntarily lay down on occasion requesting a diaper (that was when I knew she was really desperate, too). So now, she and Kalina both get marshmallowy rewards when Elise's efforts in that direction pay off. It's kind of working.


And, of course, we're not completely done with diapers. For some reason I can't quite count on a 20 1/2-month-old to effectively manage her bladder all the way through the super-exciting local kids' museum, or even the grocery store--but possibly as we dart into and out of the post office.

The girls like to alternately jump and
rest on Kalina's bed. 

However, evidence says I shouldn't worry. Despite Elise's precautionary diaper, she let me know when she needed to go potty during our visit to the kids' museum (while Kalina was in preschool), and used the public facilities as if she'd been doing so all her life. Perhaps she hasn't yet learned to be terrified of loud flushing. (But she will.)

That, of course, won't stop me from constantly fretting while we're out for at least the next few months--because inevitably, I'll have to take her out of diapers so as not to send mixed messages (you don't have to use the potty while we're in public, but you do at home???). But that just goes along with the territory--and if you're not worrying about the condition of the local nature center's carpet, you're worrying that your child will climb to the top of the stuffed bear. It's always one thing or another.

Still to overcome: the giant road trip and family vacation, plus any larger outing we want to take on this summer (the zoo? The pool???).

Of course, we still have the occasional accident and I occasionally have to remind myself that Elise is only 20 months old, and not to expect too much of her. But if the girl can pretty much potty train herself, shouldn't I be expecting a lot?

In truth, Elise has truly amazed us all, but Daddy the most. I don't know whether he doubted my sanity or Elise's motivation more, but either way, he's been pleasantly surprised. I'm not sure I've ever been happier to prove him wrong. I bet Elise would agree. :)

Odegaard Toddler Potty Trains

Odegaard Toddler Potty Trains

The Odegaard household was left stunned on Wednesday when Kalina Odegaard, 23 months, completed the waking-hours transition from diapers to underwear.

"Underwear is way better," the girl commented. "Let's go to Goose Park."

Daddy and Mommy Odegaard varied in mood from proud acceptance to wide-eyed, ecstatic, bubbly relief.

"I knew all along she'd do it," stated Daddy calmly.

"I can't believe she's potty trained!" trumpeted Mommy, with tears in her eyes, to anyone/thing with ears.

Mommy later mentioned that a week ago, potty training wasn't really even on the household's radar--except, possibly, Kalina's, as the toddler later admitted.

"I'd been considering giving up diapers for a while, but I didn't think Mommy was quite ready," Kalina explained.

"We were going to wait until Kalina was a little more ready," Mommy said in a separate conversation. She attributes the success almost exclusively to the young girl. "All I did was provide the underwear. Sure, I had a few helpful tricks up my sleeve, but Kalina caught on fast. She really took me by surprise."

When asked what motivated her to make the switch, Kalina listed a combination of detesting diaper changes, receiving marshmallows, and the fact that "Mommy, Daddy, and many other people I like wear underwear. Mine are pink."

Repeating several times during the interview, "I'm just so glad it's over," Mommy cited potty training as the thing she's dreaded almost as much as labor and delivery. "Fortunately, Kalina made this one rather easy for me," she smiled wearily.

The transition process wasn't all fun and games, though--at least not for Mommy, as she told reporters. "I think on Day 2 I came close to giving up just about every hour. The only thing that stopped me was the fact that I'd have to coax Kalina back into a diaper, and I figured cleaning up accidents would actually be easier."

According to Kalina, though, the process was easy. "I even convinced both Mommy and Daddy to give me a marshmallow if I just 'tried' to use the toilet! However, I've noticed that they brush my teeth a bit more carefully in the evenings nowadays."

Going out has been a bit more of a challenge, but the girl has weathered it in stride.

"Thank goodness for bribes," Mommy said.

Another challenge came on Friday morning when Kalina spiked a 103-degree fever, and then threw up when Mommy tried to put her in a diaper since she was so sick and drowsy.

"There's no going back to diapers. Gross," said Kalina. "I think Mommy understands that now."

But potty training wasn't all that was going on in the Odegaard household this week. With all the at-home time and in between educational trips to the toilet, Kalina also mastered her alphabet.

"Have you ever heard the Alphabet Song? It's hilarious!" Kalina told the press, giggling for about five minutes after singing the first three notes.

At the end of the busy week, all family members report optimism about the future.

"We still have to work on using public restrooms, but, really, who wouldn't rather hold it?" Mommy said. "The big challenge is going to be our big family trip in three weeks. Fortunately, we have three weeks until then."

Kalina added, "Rumor has it, Mommy found cat underwear for me! Cats! On underwear!"

Resident Expert Mommy Odegaard offers her top three tips for potty training a child who's exactly like Kalina:

1. Motivate. Also called "bribing." While the best motivation is the child's own happiness in her accomplishment, marshmallows work in a pinch. If one particular motivation doesn't do the trick, ramp it up until you find one that does.

2. De-motivate. Our best success came when Kalina was dressed in underwear and clingy cotton pants. Turns out, they're quite uncomfortable when wet, providing the best de-motivation of all. Another thing--don't rush to change your child out of her wet clothes. First, clean up the accident on the floor together while your toddler walks around bowlegged, and then change into new underwear and another pair of clingy cotton pants. Remember that accidents are a good learning experience for both of you--your toddler learns that it's much better to use the toilet, and you learn your toddler's patterns and capabilities.

3. Communicate. First, teach the rules. 1. No potty or poop in underwear (your child learns that wearing underwear is a bit of a privilege) 2. Potty and poop go in the toilet. 3. Tell Mommy/Daddy before you need to go potty/poop (or, older kids may be able to head straight to the bathroom by themselves). Repeat these often and have your child repeat them. For accidents, use words like "Yuck, your pants are wet, now we have to go change," and "Too bad! We have to clean this up. If you'd gone in the toilet you'd be getting a treat right now!" Lavish praise for all success.

Photo: Toddler Kalina Odegaard proudly holds her catch of cats.

Potty Training: Somewhere within Round 2

Round 2 of Potty Training began after we returned from vacation and had unpacked and rested up a bit. It turns out, our vacation did nothing to either advance or halt potty training so we were, indeed, able to pick up where we left off.

Whereas last week, Kalina was more or less happy to sit on the toilet and impress us with her pottying prowess, at least until toward the end of the day, I realized after yesterday that she'd need a bit more motivation. What's more, she needed some de-motivation from simply using her underwear--accidents bothered her at first, but she soon got over it.

A timer did nothing to convince Kalina it was time to use the toilet, nor did the reminder of "you'll get a sticker!" We upgraded to mini marshmallows, and Kalina has been all sunshine since, except for the time she was frustrated because she couldn't use the toilet within 1 minute of having previously used it. I explained that drinking water would help her situation and after quite a tantrum, she settled down nicely with her sippy cup.

For de-motivation, we decided to put pants on Kalina over her underwear. Cotton pants. Pants that get soggy and yucky when she has an accident (they help keep the accident off the floor, too!). They were put to the test, and kind of work.

My problem now is figuring out how to get Kalina to tell me she needs to go instead of telling me she just went. She clearly understands the process, she just needs to put two and two together. Our conversations:

"Kalina, where does potty belong?"
"In the toilet!" (With a huge grin)
"Where does potty not belong?"
"In underwear." (Somberly, with a frown)
"What happens when we put potty in the toilet?"
"Treat!!!" (Can barely speak for dancing around jubilantly)
"And what happens when we put potty in underwear?"
"Wet." (A somber frown again)
"What do you do if you have to go potty?"
"Toilet!" Triumphantly

And yet, accidents still happen.

Also on the agenda: lengthening the amount of time between potty trips (she ranges from upwards of 2 hours to a mere 15 minutes), and venturing out of the house.

My other problem is that eventually, even marshmallows will get old. Will she be potty trained before she's receiving a pony on each trip to the bathroom?

I'm still not sure whether to keep slogging through this or not. How long is it supposed to take? Is she really, really ready?

Factors in our favor:
1. I think she's poop trained. And she's approached me (mostly by just looking up at me, rather distressed) for the last two days when she needs to poop. Yay, Kalina!
2. Marshmallows are working.
3. Accidents at least make her stop what she's doing for a minute.
4. She prefers underwear over diapers.
5. She's very proud when she does go potty.

Factors against us:
1. She generally won't tell us when she needs to go potty.
2. She sometimes can hold it for a long time, sometimes not.
3. She doesn't strive for independence. Really at all, in almost anything except pulling our big wagon up hills.

Would you keep going?

Still to come: The Odegaard Beach Vacation post

Potty Training: Round 1

The ironic part about the fact that I'm writing this post at this time, when Kalina is not yet 2 years old, is that I'm actually in no real hurry to potty train Kalina.

"But you have a new baby on the way! Shouldn't you be frantic? Besides, don't you want to escape your nasty cloth diapers that I always thought were a crazy idea?" you say.

Well, sure, I want Kalina to be potty trained someday. And as some of my mommy friends have encountered potty training success even at this tender age I've occasionally wondered if they might be onto something. I've noticed, by the way, that no matter how early your child does something, there's always some kid who can do it sooner. And yes, it is a race. Would you want to be the very last mom you know still dealing with diapers?

But, frankly, diapers are pretty easy. Even cloth ones. No dashing to find the restroom while picking out pineapples at the grocery store. No stopping the car anywhere, at anytime so the toddler can go do her business. No mopping up all kinds of accidents. Yup, diapers are just fine with me a while longer. Maybe I just don't know what I'm missing?

However, with Kalina asking to use the toilet every night before bed, as well as other occasional times during the day, and having some fairly consistent success, I decided I'd be a pretty bad/stupid mom if I didn't at least let her give it a shot.

A little background: Kalina first used the potty probably as many as 5 months ago. Since then, it's been intermittent, except for when I got a little crabby after Kalina had an accident on my bed an hour before I really, really, really wanted to be asleep in it at the end of my looonng week when Matt was out of town and I was still nauseated from pregnancy and I had a heavy freelance load: for the next month, any kind of toilet use, other than climbing on it with the lid down, was nonexistent. That was fine with me. And then we were back in business.

After deciding with Matt on Tuesday evening that we were going to wait a bit until our schedules slowed down, I rushed out with Kalina Wednesday afternoon, since she'd pottied twice that day, and bought underwear-like training pants in pretty pink. At the store, Kalina didn't want them but was happy to wander around in them later at home. Anything to get out of a diaper change.

And so today dawned and we officially kicked off Day 1 of potty training. Kalina and I smiled into each others' eyes with equal enthusiasm as the first signs of success were flushed triumphantly into our city's sewers (or wherever it goes), and I promised myself she'd mostly have the hang of it by the end of the day.

I almost convinced myself I was having fun. I reminded myself that there would probably be accidents.

I have, of course, heard much conflicting advice about potty training methods, including:
Reward/don't reward
Lavish praise/don't lavish praise
Use Pull-Ups/don't use Pull-Ups
Spend lots of time on the potty/don't spend lots of time on the potty
Make it a big deal/don't make it a big deal
And so forth.

Instead of garnering even more conflicting advice from an armful of potty-training books, I'm winging it. This is probably a bad idea, but I don't want to put Kalina in a diaper (or whatever) long enough to take her to the library. I do take advice from the Internet.

There is, I soon learned, a certain amount of tediousness to potty training. For one, we have to stay home. When we went outside, we had an accident. And it's a beautiful day. For another, I have to watch the child at all times for signs that she's ready for a trip to the bathroom. This means that my grandiose plans for cleaning the bathroom and getting other odd jobs done around the house are out the window. What's more, Kalina's been working on her alphabet and improving her fork/spoon eating skills at the same time--the girl clearly has a lot on her plate. She needs lots of hugs and lots of stories. I've basically been following her around a lot and spoiling her a little.

This didn't get me down, though, especially since the girl ate a lovely breakfast and her entire sandwich for lunch, and so it was a good morning.

As of naptime, we'd had plenty of success and only a couple accidents, but were both worn out (also from the fact that Kalina neglected to nap yesterday in favor of waiting up for another story). Kalina happily let me put a diaper on her for her nap and I happily fastened it and removed myself from potty-training worries for the next 2 hours.

It's amazing how fast the excitement and exhilaration of potty training dissipated after the too-short-for-both-of-us nap. We were united only in the fact that neither of us really wanted to see a toilet again for a good week, let alone read stories while sitting on the floor next to it (okay, maybe that part was just me). But we slogged through the afternoon, me trying to motivate both myself and a now-reluctant girl to keep going now that we've begun. Kalina solved her discontent with the situation by almost preferring to have accidents rather than face the porcelain beast; I solved it by counting down the minutes until Matt would be home with a fresh perspective for both of us. We were both thrilled to see him, and he and I spent most of the evening trying to hand off potty-training duties onto each other while the other did anything but.

And so Kalina's on her way to becoming a big girl, and I'm having my first real experience of wanting her to stay a baby instead. Until now, each big advance has made life easier, but I have my doubts about this one in light of the treacherous path we both have to tread in getting there. I feel like I've been rocketed back to the newborn days, when my life seemed to be ruled almost completely by my child's bodily functions, I was trapped in the house and everything was just messy.

Round 1 is now over because tomorrow we're leaving for a beach vacation. Although progress was made, I still have my doubts and questions about the whole potty training thing. Is Kalina really, truly ready? How many more days will revolve around visits to our boring old bathrooms? Will Kalina begin to refuse to use it altogether, setting us back months or years? Will it spoil our vacation (perish the thought)? Will we be able to pick up where we left off once we get back home? Stay tuned. If you hear nothing, it's because nothing is happening. And that's probably okay for both of us.

Photo: Kalina and her tall block tower. It ended up being 2 very unsteady blocks higher than in this picture, which made it almost exactly as tall as her. After each block beyond the midway point, by the way, she did her signature "Olympic dismount" move (step back, arms wide in a "look-at-me" fashion), which meant that she was really, really proud of herself.