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| She smiles! For the camera, even! |
I once read a Dear Abbey letter written by a single person, wondering why her stay-at-home mom friend never seemed to have time to chat. After all, how hard can it be?Abbey's response was lovely: in a nutshell, it's because it takes the mom 45 minutes to do what it would take someone else 15--if it's even possible--and that if, by remote chance, the mom encounters a moment of silence, she might really want/need to
keep it silent. For her own sanity. In the spirit of that post, here's the rundown of a typical day in our household with a new baby (as opposed to when there's not a new baby, in which case there are more grocery outings and field trips).
When do I start? How about at the beginning:
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They really are little angels. Most of
the time, anyway. |
12:30 a.m.: Naomi starts fussing. I feed her and change her diaper in the dark with one eye closed in hopes I'll be able to get back to sleep that much faster. Fortunately, I do not also need to change her sleeper this time. Other times, I might not be so lucky.
2:30 a.m.: Naomi. Same routine, except Naomi is a little tireder this time, and falls back to sleep faster.
3:30 a.m.: Again., but with no diaper change.
5:00 a.m.: And again, but with a diaper change because last night I didn't and the baby and I both paid for it.
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Aunt Jo gets to hold Naomi!
And Naomi gets to be held
by Aunt Jo! |
6:00 a.m.: And again. No diaper. Naomi is tireder and falls asleep faster each time. I am more awake and fall asleep more slowly each time.
7:01 a.m.: Matt and I only rarely set an alarm nowadays, as Matt's current rotation at work is pretty flexible. So it's usually at this time that we're greeted by a little girl in a footie sleeper and with an armful of stuffed animals. Sometimes bouncing around, sometimes crawling into bed with us and staying put for a bit. Either way, it's time for us to get up and start the day.
7:20: Both big girls are usually up playing by now. The baby is still asleep, tired out from waking up all night. I gently mention to the big girls that breakfast is at 8:00, and they need to get their routines started (potty, getting dressed, putting PJs away and, for the bigger one, making her bed and brushing her hair. That's it.) in order to have time to eat. If it's a preschool day, I remind them that we don't want to be late. I walk off to get myself ready, and they stay put.
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Uncle Jim, too! Naomi is a very
passable baby. |
7:30: One big girl is half undressed, the other is playing. They might be fighting. Either way, virtually no progress has been made. I tell them, "Time to get ready!" and give them each a step to work on.
7:35: No one has moved. I speak up again. No one moves. I begin to doubt my own existence.
7:40: I'm still trying to rally the troops, and the baby wakes up. So now, I'm getting myself ready, changing and smiling at the baby (after all, these are the best smiles of the day!) and supervising the big girls.
7:50: After some more prodding, each girl has about half of her responsibilities done, but one is carefully making a bead design using tiny beads while the other is scattering tiny beads across the room. I tell them it's almost time for breakfast and that I'm going downstairs because the baby and I are both hungry. The big girls have now had half an hour to complete six minutes worth of responsibilities.
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Pajama party to watch the Charlie
Brown Christmas special! But then
we couldn't find it, so we watched
Berenstein Bears instead. My kids
are so TV deprived that they care
not what they watch, as long as
they are watching, and they didn't
trust me that the Christmas special
wasn't scary, anyway. |
7:52: I have finally managed to calm down hysterical preschoolers, terrified of being left upstairs alone. They are now ever so slightly more motivated, and in the next five minutes I'm able to push , pull and drag them through the remaining steps. I try to keep the mood light--after all, we have a whole day ahead of us. (If it's not a preschool day, I loosen up on the timing a bit--but not too much or I'll pay for it the next preschool day.)
8:02: I see that the kitchen is dirty. It was (mostly) clean last night. But now it is dirty again. The girls have finally made it downstairs, and are playing. I remind them if that if they'd like breakfast, now is the time. There won't be another time. They must eat now. They start gathering bowls and spoons. Both are able to pour milk using Milk Pitcher, one of the household's favorite possessions--so they can actually pretty much fix their entire breakfast themselves.
8:20: Everyone has eaten at least something. If it's a preschool day, I start the process of hurrying them up to brush their teeth, and out the door (a huge undertaking in itself). I try to intersperse my directives with pleasant conversation so that I'm not 100% grump. I would tear my hair out, but it's all falling out already because I just had a baby. Naomi, by the way, is playing happily on her playmat, all but ignored as I finish the early morning's tasks.
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Approximately 13 new babies have
been born in our church. Naomi
and the only other girl have decided
they'd better stick together. |
8:30: Today is not a preschool day, so now the kids are leisurely having another bowl of cereal, walking back and forth to the kitchen even though I remind them they have to stay at the table to eat, while I work on cleaning up the counter and play with Naomi. I start to relax.
8:40: We're done with breakfast! And dressed! Our teeth might even be brushed! I delightedly tell the girls that they can now play while I do my "Mommy work." Finally, I don't have to nag anyone anymore!
8:43: The girls have stopped playing and are bored. Apparently, all the playing for the day has already happened. They: come
this close to hurting each other, jump on the couch and/or follow me around, asking for crafts and stories and, generally, to be entertained. I would feel bad for them and cave, except I just spent the last hour and a half trying to get them to
stop playing. I convince myself that I'm not going crazy, and am not a bad mommy, and tell them that we will read and play together when my work is done. Work before play. A life lesson we relearn every hour.
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Naomi loves her play gym more than
both of the others combined. Now I
know what they are for. I almost did
not bother to get it out. Bat, bat, bat.
Swing, swing, swing. Whee! |
8:50: Kalina and Elise follow me upstairs while I put Naomi down for a nap. They want to see her diaper and climb in her crib. Because they are just bored to death. Then, Kalina goes into her room to play with her beads, and Elise follows either her or me. She mentions that she's "tired." I try to sympathize, but not over-sympathize, lest that pave the way for more complaints.
9:00: I'm straightening the downstairs, planning the laundry and remembering odd things that need to get done while Elise sits on the couch with her blankie. She's tired. And bored. Kalina wanders down and sits on Elise's blankie. Elise screams. But then the next minute I've managed to get them to be friends again, and they play nicely for a while. I empty the top rack of the dishwasher, put something in the mail, run laundry downstairs and wipe out the sink, spattering the conversation with common phrases like, "No throwing stuffed animals into the fan!" and, "Your sister probably doesn't want ice cream on her head." Soon, someone accidentally gets a tiny bit hurt. Again, I try to sympathize without over-sympathizing. It comes out a bit fake.
9:25: The situation has deteriorated again, so we bake! Muffins, cookies, biscuits for dinner--you name it. We love baking. If we just really don't need any baked goods, chances are we'll clean up the floor and vacuum, since no one else has any better ideas. They don't like the cleaning, but they do love hitting the vacuum while it's running. I don't love it quite so much.
10:00: It seems that we just finished breakfast, but it is snacktime, which really only Elise needs. They ask for candy, I give them a banana and a muffin we just baked. I empty half of the bottom half of the dishwasher while running back and forth refilling water glasses.
10:10: The baby is awake! We all troop upstairs and give her a bath. The big girls help by carrying her clean clothes and diaper into the bathroom, and then by staying out of the way. I impress upon the big girls how important it is to stay put while I'm bathing the slippery baby, lest they be banished from the small bathroom and, apparently, the only interesting that is happening right now.
10:30: I feed the baby. The girls are bored (again) so we read a few stories, and then I offer to play with any or all of the following: blocks, Little People, puzzles, games, ponies, Duplo, any other toy laying around.. But the girls only want to do impossible things, like sew a table for their stuffed animals, or watch TV the rest of the morning. I decide to just play with Naomi, who has just started to bat at toys and can do so seemingly endlessly. Elise joins me on the baby playmat and after setting the playmat up with new toys for Naomi, Kalina flips through library books. I escape to switch out the laundry and work, again, on the breakfast and muffin dishes. Everybody's happy! Magical.
11:00: I have decided that the fridge needs cleaning, even though the dishwasher is not yet empty and there's wet laundry sitting in the washing machine. Naomi is gnawing on her front carrier while I check the freshness of certain Tupperware containers. The girls are bored. As usual, I have a dozen incredible suggestions, but they are all rejected. I pull out one of my favorite strategies-of-desperation: I assign them a small task to do, like cleaning all the toys out of the living room (there are about five). All of a sudden, Elise is pretending to be a baby bunny, Kalina is pretending to be the bunny's owner, and they're playing happily! They are so cute! I can finally finish cleaning up the kitchen, right before it's time to make lunch! I'm ever so slightly annoyed when the girls actually finish their task (no nagging required, for some reason) and wait for me to come up with something else amazingly fun to do.
12:00: I'm not really sure how the rest of the morning was spent, between baby caretaking, the occasional chore, and some playtime. But here it is, lunchtime. We all chat and eat together, then since they take insanely long to eat, I start cleaning up the kitchen (notice a theme?) while reminding them to stay on their chairs. I am like a magnetic force, and they are the little magnets, though, so it's
really hard for Elise, especially, to be in a different room from me. Even though we can talk and see each other. She bounces back and forth until she's finally "done."
12:30: I remember that piano practice with Kalina usually goes better earlier in the day. She only grumbles a tiny bit as she makes her way to the bench. I try to keep Elise from pounding the keys while Kalina is practicing. I'm usually holding the baby at the same time, so this can take some acrobatics. After this, I'm usually good for a few stories, or pretend vet clinic, or whatnot, if they ask me. Or cleaning up the kitchen if they manage on their own.
1:15: Elise doesn't often nap anymore, but we do all have "quiet time." I
try to have all three girls do quiet time at the same time, but that doesn't always work out. Either way, I usually have to interrupt happy playtime to start our quiet time--although I do try to wait for a natural break/fight, since happy playtime is so rare some days. Oh well. After 15 minutes of more prodding, I'm reading a story to Elise while Kalina looks on (and sometimes Naomi). Then I play a bit with Kalina in her room before her quiet time.
1:40: My quiet time! I answer the phone for only Matt. I switch out the laundry, throw anything left out from lunch into the fridge, and attempt to sit down. I answer emails, blog, work on freelance work, look up anything that needs to be looked up (like new craft ideas), make important phone calls, space out a bit, etc. But mostly, I sit down--because I might not be able to again for a good seven hours. It's quiet.
2:00: Elise has wandered into Kalina's room, they have hurt each other (real or pretend), and I'm upstairs dealing with it. No, they're not allowed in each other's rooms during quiet time, so I'm not very sympathetic. For the record, I don't actually care whether they're in each other's rooms for downtime as long as I don't hear about it, and can sit down. Usually they actually play really nicely up there--probably only because they think they're not allowed.
2:15: Naomi wakes up. My quiet time is over, but it's still fun to spend time with just my cute baby! I go back and forth, cleaning up the lunch dishes and laughing with the only kid I don't have to nag on a daily basis (yet).
2:40: The big girls come downstairs, downtime over. They want crafts and stories. Mommy has other ideas, though: the sun is shining and it's supposed to rain for the next five days, so we're going outside. I prod the girls into their shoes (coats are optional: it is a problem that will work itself out very quickly) and we all try to have fun in our yard for at least 20 minutes or more. Sometimes this is really hard for some reason. Maybe I'm just not a fun person? Maybe I'd be more fun if anybody ever liked my suggestions or cooperated.
3:30: We have come in for snacktime. The girls want cookies. I give them Goldfish, walnuts and apple slices. I actually finish cleaning up the kitchen. For the second time today!
4:00: When the baby goes down for a nap in the afternoon, I really do pull out a craft or other activity and do my best to sit down and enjoy it with them, whether my Mommy Work is done or not (is it ever really done?). If it involves painting, however, the situation, which has started nicely enough, and for which I have very high hopes, quickly deteriorates into, "Don't squeeze
all the paint out!!!" and, "Elise, paint belongs on the paper, not your face!" Which is probably why she continues to paint her face/hands next time. I do love seeing what Kalina comes up with, though, and I can't help but laugh with Elise at all the things she finds to laugh at, including her own mistakes. Wise child.
4:30: I send Kalina upstairs to put away her laundry while I clean up the craft project and Elise gives her ponies a "pony bath" in the bathroom sink. Sometimes around this time the neighbor girls convince Kalina to play outside, sometimes a couple of them end up at our house and I find myself watching a couple extra kids (albeit older ones) and trying to keep them quiet while the baby sleeps. I never know what, exactly, my afternoon will be like. Either way, I'm likely to turn on some music.
4:45: If there are no neighbor girls, Kalina is likely to be found hoisting a miniature sea turtle into her pretend castle using a strand of beads, having put away about two pairs of socks. She wants help: I mention that I already helped her by washing and sorting it. On a good day, it takes her no longer than 15 minutes--on a bad, she can stretch it out for an hour. I'm hoping that one day she'll learn the obvious lesson in this. I ask Elise to straighten up her room (mostly so that poor Kalina isn't the only kid working). Elise happily finishes the job in five minutes. So I know the problem isn't me...
5:30: The baby's back awake by now, so I'm likely to be feeding her and thinking about dinner. We
still have some frozen meals, so I rarely cook on weekdays (we also eat leftovers from the weekend, when I do cook). But it takes a good 20 minutes to heat up a meal for four, plus prepare sides and drinks. Kalina colors amazing abstract pictures while Elise tries to sneak tastes of dinner and makes jokes.
5:55: Daddy is home! I always wonder what he thinks of us when he walks in the door. Sometimes, two pint-sized cuties are rocketing toward him, sometimes they're jumping around in the other room, oblivious to his entrance, and sometimes they're playing very quietly upstairs and the house is silent. He tries to tell me about his day, while the big girls try to climb him and tell him about theirs, while I try to listen to him and respond in meaningful ways, keep the baby happy and answer the big girls' questions and make dinner. It's the most intense five minutes of the day, and sometimes it puts me over the edge. Everything calms down when I can convince Matt to save the details for later when I'll be able to pay attention a bit better, and he and one or more of the children troop upstairs so he can get changed.
6:15: Dinner. Also, commonly, a baby naptime, so I wolf my food and put a cranky baby to bed while Daddy, thankfully always in a good mood (having gotten to sit down during the day), chats with the big girls.
6:45: I'm working on dinner dishes and general cleanup--and even breathing once or twice. Matt takes the girls up for bathtime, or if it's not a bath night, plays with them a bit. I follow shortly to do the hair-washing. We all have something we
hate in regards to kid-care, and this is his. I totally get that, and I don't mind. It does take some more nagging, but my skin is pretty thick by this time in the day.
7:20: I run around taking care of the baby and helping finish up the big girls for bedtime. This is quite a process sometimes; other days it goes quickly.
7:40: Matt takes one child and I take two, and we start bedtime stories. With any luck, the big girls' lights will be out before 8:00--or by 7:30 for Elise if she hasn't napped.
8:15: I'm feeding the baby and trying to wind her down. Elise asks for water. Kalina kicks the wall.
8:35: I start the process of settling the baby to sleep. In a dark room. Exhausted. I try not to fall asleep myself, and think about how I'm going to spend all my free time before bed.
8:50: The baby seems to be asleep! I go downstairs, finish a few tasks, and sink into the recliner, chocolate in hand.
8:55: The baby is crying. Up to settle her.
9:00: Matt comes in to finish telling me about his highly intellectual day. I try, again, to pay attention.
9:15: I sit down and relax! Possibly watch TV. Possibly just stare off into space, or the netherland that is the Internet.
9:35: I decide I better go to bed.
9:55: Matt goes to sleep with earplugs and a sleep mask, lest he wake up (which is fine--at least then one of us isn't so sleep-deprived their vision is blurred. Still, some days I wish I could be the one with earplugs and a sleep mask.). I lay down to read a bit. The baby wakes up. I go in to settle her.
10:15: Sleep!
11:15: Baby
And then I do it all again tomorrow! And the next day, and the next, and the next...until they're in college, it seems. And then I will miss it.
[Note: The past three nights, the baby has only needed settling about four times! I don't, however, count on it lasting, and this post reflects what has been normal for the past couple weeks.]
Now, let's pretend I get fed up with all the alleged boredom sometime during the day, and take the girls to the park. It goes something like this:
Me: Who wants to go to the park?
Elise: Me!
Kalina: Not me.
Me: Well, we're going--Kalina, we'll do a craft or something later. Let's get shoes on for the park!
No movement.
Me: Kiddos, grab your two things (they get to take two toys along for the ride), and shoes and coat.
The kids wander in opposite directions and get distracted.
Me: Looks like you'll be sitting in the van with no shoes on at the park! Too bad! (I'm not, actually, kidding. I have no problem getting out with Naomi at the park and leaving two shoeless big kids in the van.)
The kids know I'm not bluffing, and start moving. Fifteen minutes later, we're at the 1-minute-away neighborhood park. We drove in case of inclement weather, plus the fact that Naomi needs frequent naps.
Me: Yay, the park! Have fun you guys!
Kids: We'll just sit here with you.
Me: Um, no. You can sit at home. Go! Run! Play! Why don't you ____ (insert any of a dozen fantastic ideas I would've/did love as a kid)?
Kids: No.
Kalina: I'm ready to go home.
Finally, Elise wanders off to look for pillbugs, and Kalina eventually consents to help. They completely ignore the equipment, preferring, instead, to climb all over the furniture at home.
Two minutes later, Kalina gets hurt and decides to just sit. To try to salvage the situation, I hop up and help her hobble around, looking for pillbug food or whatever. In this way, we eek out something that could be considered "fun." Interspersed with lots of sitting and general boredom, and lots of amazing rejected suggestions by yours truly.
A while later, Me: It's almost time to leave, but we'll play a little bit longer. Simon says...go down a slide!
I wish I'd tried Simon Says earlier, because within five minutes the girls are happily playing together, and look like they could do so for quite some time. But the baby is already past due for her nap, and the big girls had plenty of time to have fun if they'd chosen to.
Me: Time to head home!
Kids: Nooo!
Mommyhood: trying to get little people to do what they don't want to do. A million times a day. But I really will miss it.
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