The bright side

Fortunately, it's in my nature, once I get done freaking out, to look on the bright side. So despite the fact that I see every hour on the clock throughout the night, I can no longer follow recipes, I get winded walking up the stairs, and playing with brightly colored objects that rattle is now just about the perfect activity to challenge my mind, I'm going to look on the bright side of sleep deprivation.

Mainly, the fact that the reason I'm not sleeping is likely because Kalina is traveling through a rather massive developmental spurt.

Really, she's pretty amazing nowadays. And the cool thing about being a sometimes-work-at-home-but-mostly-stay-at-home mom is that I see all of it. This makes my conversation somewhat boring to most normal people as I gush about how Kalina rolled not once, but twice, complete with play-by-play ("And then I came back into the room, and she was on her back!!! Can you believe it?!?"). They smile politely and try to change the subject. Pet owners, fortunately, can relate somewhat. "Really? Rover rolls, too!" "How did you train him to roll over on command?" "This neat whistle, want me to show you?" "Where can I get a whistle?"

A couple weeks ago Kalina started to stand with help. Now, it's fun to see that her joy and pride over this accomplishment have turned into nonchalance. "Um, I've been standing for weeks now, just like you guys. A little credit, please. I can do way cooler things than this," her glazed-over eyes seem to say as she munches on her hand.

She also almost sits without help, for as many as 5-10 seconds at a time. She does so well during those 5-10 seconds that I kind of start to forget that she can't actually sit yet. Then she starts to slowly tip over, and I have to rush to catch her. It's startling for both of us, but I think she likes sitting overall because it gives her better access to her toys.

Speaking of toys, Kalina munches them with a vengeance (see video). It's actually a little unsettling how she likes to tear into things nowadays (and she doesn't stop at toys--Mommy's hair and Daddy's nose have both been targets). Let's just say I wouldn't want to meet her alone in a dark alley. She's very serious about her play--she seems to be the frustrated artist type about it. If her mouth grip isn't perfect, she gets angsty but tries again with determination. I imagine she'll be the type to color in the lines, and make sure the other kids do, too.

And then there's the laughing. I think it's worth losing at least an hour of sleep a night for, although I'm still deciding just how much sleep I'd trade for her laughter. Before Kalina started laughing, I used to think she was this really selective critic--sometimes it was beyond my repertoire and budget to get her to crack a smile. Now I know she's not, seeing as she got the biggest kick out of Matt doing a one-person wave (think baseball stadium) the other night. I'm relieved to know that I won't have to develop complex comedy routines or hire professionals just to entertain my child, as I previously worried.

Did I mention she rolled twice in a row? I put her on her tummy and left the room briefly. And then I came back into the room and Kalina was on her back!!! Can you believe it?!? The reason this is so exciting is that she's hated tummy time for so much of her life that I'm thrilled to see the end is approaching (as much for me as for her). I don't think she understands these implications, though, as she seems to be in no hurry to roll again.

As for me, I've found a few personal bright sides as well. For one, while I'm doing chores or cooking dinner, I occasionally look up and ask myself why in the world I'm so tired. Then it hits me: I don't sleep anymore. So I quickly put an end to whatever I'm doing and hightail it to the couch, no guilt involved. The other bright side is that if I do ever sleep as many as 2 hours in a row, I feel like Rip Van Winkle.

So I'm almost at peace with the fact that neither of us is getting any sleep. Although now I wonder what she'd be able to do if she were sleeping. Today, the exersaucer, tomorrow, the world, I suppose. Maybe next month?