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| A sleepover in Naomi's new room! |
So this is definitely a milestone, right? For all four and a half years we've lived here, the girls have shared a room! Of our 5 bedrooms, they have occupied one. Our pet bunny has another. Guests, wrapping paper and our sewing/yarn/felt crafting things share another and Matt has one for his office and weight lifting equipment (and school/craft things inhabit the closet). That leaves one for Matt and I--perfect for our eclectic life.
Except then Elise. Who, rather vocally, needed a little space. [To be honest, I can totally relate. We're all here, all the time, all together, 24/7. We love each other and have fun together and generally get along really well...but who wouldn't need a little space? But don't tell her I said that...]
I admit that it's a little unconventional for the girls to share in the first place, but it's totally made sense for us. Kalina and Elise began bunking together one weekend when I was off visiting my sister, and Matt moved Elise's bed into Kalina's room. Normally, this would've kinda irked me--that's a big decision to just go ahead and make. But to be honest, room cleaning and mess organization for me are in the same category as watching my kids get teeth pulled. I'd rather pretty much anyone but me do it, so if it was going to happen, I realized I was kind of okay missing out on this one.
Not only did the girls actually sleep just fine in a room together (although it made "downtime" much more complicated), but Kalina, who had wrestled with night terrors for years, actually slept peacefully. I think I can count on one hand the number of night terrors she had after Elise moved in.
Naomi, being a baby, received her own room in an effort to try to limit the number of people awake in the middle of the night at once (although we totally still had our back-to-back midnight parties at times). By the time we were preparing for our move, however, and as Matt was commuting back and forth to his job in Kansas City, Naomi had developed some nighttime anxieties. Our move was the perfect chance to plunk her in with a sister. Or better yet, both sisters! And they've shared quite happily and harmoniously ever since, until Elise got other ideas.
One of my favorite moments from the room-sharing time period was one morning when Kalina and Elise were griping about how they'd had to comfort Naomi and find her stuffed animal in the middle of the night. I never heard a peep, and realized that possibly all the comforting, finding of stuffed animals, and general fixing I did when they were littler had paid off by nurturing sweet sisters who found that they, too, could take care of littler people. Sometimes they even asked me for advice: "What should I do if she wakes up and needs a drink?" ("Whatever you do, don't get me," I kinda wanted to reply.) To be honest, since they've shared a room, I've pretty much only had to go in at night for the occasional honest-to-goodness illness.
Unless you count hushing them up to go to sleep when they are telling stories to each other after bedtime. Because that has happened a lot.
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| We enjoyed a Chinese dinner to celebrate a couple birthdays! |
It's not just because Elise started to complain that we're giving them their own rooms. After all, she's been pestering for a lot of things, a lot of times, a lot of years, that she's never received (yet). To be purple. Skiing every weekend. Moving to the beach/mountains. Not doing math ever again. Various pets (yes, there are a few we actually don't own--yet).
To be honest, though, moving into their own rooms started to sound like a good idea, as we've wrestled with everything from different bedtimes, to all the "stuff" that needs to be crammed into one room, to the fact that sometimes a little space can do everyone a little good.
This wasn't the first time the idea had come up. A year or so ago, when Elise began wanting her own room, and Kalina also thought that might be nice (for her to have her own room, too, not just for Elise), we discussed it a bit in the car while Naomi was at home. Sweet girls that they are, they very thoughtfully decided that while, yes, they did want their own rooms, they knew Naomi would have trouble with it. They generously decided to give her a while longer.
And it's really made a difference! Although Naomi still doesn't want her own room, especially for sleeping, I feel like she's at least able to manage the idea of the possibility without becoming too anxious. It's helped that we've assured her (and we've insisted suggested her sisters assure her) that we'll do a lot of slumber parties for a long while.
Matt and I spent a long time determining whether to just move Elise out, seeing as she was really the only one complaining. (But would that be fair to Kalina?) And we did some problem-solving with the older girls, keeping the idea from Naomi at first so she wouldn't worry. And we began to figure out how it could, in fact, actually work (because, somehow, other families with 5 bedrooms manage for their kids to each have their own room).
But oh my word, the work that would need to be done. I remember moving out of our St. Louis house, and realizing that now, the next owner would get to find all the tiny Perler beads, and rainbow loops, and itty bitty stickers that we had, despite all our vacuuming, inadvertently left behind. I remember that that was one of the only things I was glad to leave in that house: all the tiny objects crushed into the carpet.
Now, we've filled our carpet again, at least in the girls' room (and the bunny room). Sometimes I don't know if one giant under-the-bed monster is as scary as a million teensy, colorful, plastic ones.
Plus, as Naomi was still pretty little when we moved here from St. Louis, and movers would do the lion's share of the work, we didn't really pare down our possessions much as we settled into our new home. Clearly, we would need to now.
And Matt would probably need to disassemble the beds. And find a new spot for the guest bed he'd assembled. And I'd have to find space for my sewing things. And so on.
So we made a plan: This fall, 2021, we'll bite the bullet, and everyone will move into their own rooms.
We soon realized the flaw in our plan: fall is beautiful, and we want to be outside. Then comes Christmas, when top priorities change really quickly (yay!). But given a few days of Christmas break covid-exposure quarantine, we were all set to go!
Elise had stopped complaining about room-sharing the second she came to know we actually did intend to move everyone around. And once we began finding bins and making keep-store-toss piles, allllll those little gripes we'd heard over the past year magically transformed into a solid stream of cheerful, can-do fortitude, even as we spent, like, 6 straight hours digging, shuffling, transporting, organizing, and lifting bulky objects. (Her sisters did awesome, too. Sometimes the transformations in Elise are just a little more obvious.)
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| The girls and I took a trip to the Cosmosphere with AHG! |
Actually, as I look back, I spent those 6 hours doing all those things. As I made trip after trip in and out of her room, Elise was ploughing through 4 1/2 years worth of carefully stowed trash treasures, many of them smaller than her fingernail. Although she may have sorted 100 items, the volume of items she actually moved and dealt with could probably have fit in a milk jug. She did an awesome job--she even collected a whole baggie full of beads to reuse--but this kind of attention to detail did not fit into my schedule.
"Let's get your bookshelf situated!" I'd suggest. And Elise would cheerfully and energetically clear off her shelf so we could move it. And then go right back to her sorting. Actually, this kind of dedication was amazing to see and I was so proud of her...the problem was probably me.
Meanwhile, Kalina, with the advantage of a room that had already been cleaned out (by me), except some gift-wrapping supplies in the closet (no one gets their own full closet--that would be impossible) was doing the same thing with her rock collection. Even as I was suggesting, "Why don't you lend me a hand moving all these books," she was organizing her entire set of shelves by fossil/rock type and, potentially, value. Occasionally I was able to drag her away, but it was clear that until her rocks were settled, she would not be. Enjoying the clean, open space of an underused room, away from the uprooting of 4 1/2 years of clutter, she had little motivation to move.
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| Naomi started violin! |
Naomi, however, was my right-hand girl, wanting to actively help, despite not actually looking forward to the change, but not knowing quite what to do (who could blame her--I barely did!). So part of my job was to look for small, manageable jobs for her to help with. We soon discovered that she was great with moving piles of books, rocks, and whatnot wherever they need to go. She could do it thoroughly, And efficiently. And completely without stopping to sort tiny, irrelevant items. So Naomi quite literally pulled her weight, and helped save my sanity as we sorted out picture books that we probably didn't need upstairs any longer. *sniff*
The long and short of it is that pretty soon, the girls' bedroom and bunny room had been half emptied into the hallway and/or basement, Kalina's new room had been emptied of all the sewing things into the master bedroom and its closet, and we could finally shift some things to where they needed to actually be, sliding-puzzle style.
And this is where we had to stop, because by this time, the week was over.
The next weekend, we did actually finish the job. The girls celebrated with three slumber parties in a row--one in each girl's new room. Naomi has kept it going, always opting to sleep in someone else's room instead of her own. I'm wondering how long this will last--but fortunately, it's not much of a problem and the older girls know they can't complain too loudly or we will remind them that just a short time ago they were sharing and that can totally happen again.
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| The cats' new bean bag chair. |
We allowed each girl a budget for new accessories (some needed clocks, lamps, adorable wall stickers, etc.), and Elise pitched in for an extra or two (like a giant bean bag chair that the cats claim as often as they can).
I meant to post this months ago, but at least the delay will allow me to give you an update.
Naomi, more than two months later, is still opting to bunk with someone every night. The older girls are holding their good attitudes fairly intact, but if you ask them how they really feel (out of earshot, of course), you'd probably find they have actual opinions about the situation. Matt and I have a permanent cot for her in our room, but she rotates around. She says her new room doesn't quite feel like hers, and despite having 3 mice and a bunny in there to keep her company, would still feel alone. However, she does enjoy hanging out on her bed, reading, in the daytime.
Elise is making use of the privilege of spreading her things out across the entire room, and not just one section. Not that that stopped her much before... At the same time, a lot of thought goes into the arrangement of shells, books, and a variety of knick knacks, so she's not entirely disorderly.
Kalina's room is always clean and orderly. I should give her credit, but I really think it boils down to genetics. She can also fall asleep effortlessly and doesn't have a sugar craving to fight constantly. I'm super jealous, and Elise probably will be when she's older.
Are we glad we made the switch? Eh. I'm bummed for Naomi--I was hopeful she'd adjust a bit quicker. I'm glad Elise has her space. And I'm glad Kalina has a peaceful place she can relax and do her schoolwork without having to stare at her sisters' clutter. Do we call it a win-win-lose? Or maybe it's a win-win-win-win-win, because it's actually super sweet to wake up next to Naomi a couple times a week!
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