The ups and downs of a Flower Girl

Ms. Manners would back me up in my assertion that one, and only one, wedding guest is allowed to wear white--and thus compete with the bride--on the big day. And that special person, of course, is none other than the Flower Girl.

Kalina was given this honor last Saturday as we welcomed her new Uncle Chris to the family as Aunt Laura's husband. [A huge congrats to the wedding couple! We couldn't be more excited for you both!]

It was a big weekend for a little Flower Girl. Here's how it went.


As many big weekends do, this one began about a week early, with us mounting a PR campaign to help put Kalina in a good mood for the trip. Every time she'd point an airplane out in the sky, for instance, we'd remind her that she'd be on one in just a few days. Once the 24 solid hours of packing that included no less than 11 stuffed animals (because a Flower Girl must have all of her things with her at all times, should any situation she find herself in demand a little extra attention) were passed and we were headed with Aunt Nancy toward the airport, she was excitedly chatting about airplanes and every single vehicle and sign we passed on the way. Good.

We scheduled the flight during naptime because it was better than waking our household at 4:00 am or arriving at 10 pm. We crossed our fingers as the flight took off. Kalina, who had been sleeping excellently lately, zoomed off to sleep in our arms and stayed that way until we were descending into Minnesota.

Despite all our advance preparations and care, there was still a lot to do our first evening, from renting a car to picking up a pack-n-play at Matt's parents' house before heading to our hotel (we were trying to stay out of the way from wedding hubbub until the big event was over). The enchantment of flying having worn off, Kalina protested that she'd much rather go "back home."

And so we began the process of running our girl into the ground.

Our parenting strategy includes a strong emphasis on proper sleep, down time and nutrition as ways to give Kalina half a chance to navigate a frustrating world with an even keel. So far, this, as well as a million other factors that probably play into it, has worked very well. We have a nice kid that people like to be with. Problem is, when you remove about 25% of her sleep, reduce her nutrition to, at times, salted peanuts and McDonald's hash browns for lunch and barrage her with new people and places, the nice kid gets a little needy.

And our strategy for helping our little homebody (as Kalina really is right now) survive the long weekend was to hold off the inevitable complete meltdown until at least the rehearsal dinner and maybe even until the wedding reception. How long could our little time bomb endure being so far out of her element before she'd explode? We knew we'd find out.

Despite our best attempts, our little Flower Girl finally drifted off almost 2 hours past her usual eastern time zone bedtime. We braced ourselves for what could be an arduous trip for all of us, as Kalina only rarely sleeps in, and never in a strange place.

The next day had us taking it remarkably easy for being a day before a wedding. We played at Grandma and Grandpa's house, ate nice food and made it back to the hotel for a barely-long-enough-to-count naptime, which also turned out to be prime room-cleaning time for all the rooms surrounding ours. May I never forget what it's like to have a napping toddler, and may I always hush my voice and activities in hotel hallways. May I take Do Not Disturb signs at their word.

And then we headed off to the rehearsal. The moment of truth. Would our little Flower Girl, in her underslept, overstimulated state, actually carry flowers down the aisle? Would she also be carrying up to 11 stuffed animals for comfort? Would her daddy be carrying her instead? Would he be carrying her and 11 stuffed animals? Would it just be him and the stuffed animals and flower basket while Kalina consoled herself on my lap?

Somehow, Matt managed it. He was able to send Kalina down the aisle with a basket of bubbles (her practice flowers), no stuffed animals and a relatively happy expression on her face. Admittedly quite surprised to see her make her appearance, I was at the end of the aisle, Kalina's dubious "reward" for making it all the way.

I thought this whole Flower Girl thing might actually work out after all.

Kalina's mood deteriorated from there enough that Matt dropped both of us off at the hotel with Subway sandwiches for supper on his way to the rehearsal dinner. I'm not sure if I've ever seen Kalina look more relieved. Only an hour past her bedtime, she was in dreamland.

The next day we decided to avoid any potential wedding fray and focus on hotel fun and an early nap, since Kalina would almost assuredly have to be woken from it for the wedding. Awake far before the pool opened, we grabbed breakfast and switched between World Cup soccer and Animal Planet while we waited. And then we spent all of 20 (albeit quite fun) minutes there before Kalina's lips turned a shade of blue we weren't quite comfortable with and we headed back upstairs for more soccer and animal antics.

Kalina napped early and well and we barely had the heart to wake her, but we did, stuffing her into the car and navigating tricky traffic all the way to the church. Then we pulled the fancy princess Flower Girl dress over our still-groggy girl, stuck a floral wreath on her head and headed out to show her off.

Fortunately, Kalina, who has had an aversion to dresses lately, was easily convinced to like her Flower Girl gown. And who wouldn't? A light, poofy confection garnished with wide pink ribbon and tiny white beads, the dress was truly fit to compete with the bride's. She enjoyed glancing at herself in the mirror on the way to get her pictures taken, and didn't even complain about her white patent leather shoes.

And that's when our child began to hit rock bottom, poor girl. I didn't even see it coming, but you could hear our time bomb's explosion throughout the church. Boom! Kalina's grinned happily for the camera for the past 6 months, enjoying posing almost anywhere, but not today. The large photographer and fast pace were a bit much for her, and unless she was sitting securely on Mommy's--or, worst-case-scenario, Daddy's--lap, frantic shrieks and a usually successful desperate rush to escape would replace any trace of a smile.

The photographer, who has probably worked with hundreds of kids, insisted he could cheer Kalina up. He could not. He did, however, render her terrified of himself and the sanctuary area of the church before finally giving up. Poor girl shook with fright in Matt's arms, and it took an abnormally long time to help her regain her composure, and even longer to get her to even look at the aisle she was to walk down again. The photographer's redeeming quality is that he actually took very nice photos, as we were able to see a few days later. Nevertheless, I don't know if my protective mothering instinct will ever find a way to forgive him. It's fine if everyone else does, though.

Plans ruined for our little Flower Girl actually making it to the end of the aisle herself, we focused, instead, on getting her comfortable with the inside of the sanctuary, and then with her flower basket, and then without her animals, and also without her mommy, who would be enjoying 10 minutes of peace and relative solitude as a wedding guest.

As a side note, it was lovely for those 10 minutes to actually be a wedding guest. I learned through this process that being the Flower Girl's mommy is almost as difficult a task as it is to be the Flower Girl herself. I (with Matt's help, certainly), had to walk the tricky line between meeting the rigorous wedding schedule and etiquette (rigorous to a toddler, anyway) and keeping my girl in a pleasant enough mood to not ruin the wedding for everyone, not to mention to play her appropriate role. Worth it? Of course. Still mentally drained? You bet.

I'm not sure if anyone else heard Kalina's cries in the back of the church as all of us guests quietly chatted, but I did. With minutes to go before the ceremony would commence, I was once again rocketed into uncertainty. Our plan now was for Matt to carry Kalina: all hope was lost of her walking on her own. But now I had to wonder again whether that would be enough. Would an usher tap me on the shoulder and make me walk the aisle too, so I could calm my girl on the way down? Heaven forbid--I'd spent all of 5 minutes on my own appearance.

And then the music began, and then the important relatives were escorted in, and I forgot about Kalina for a few seconds in the happiness of the occasion. As I was surreptitiously snapping pictures of the wedding party at the front of the church, I realized that the Flower Girl was making her entrance.

And when the Flower Girl comes into the church, everyone pays attention. There was my beautiful little girl, all decked out, gripping five stuffed farm animals in my husband's arms, smiling because her daddy had told her to. The ring bearer kept his distance, but walked nearby.

Towards the end of the aisle, Kalina saw me and thanked her lucky stars I was there, jubilantly saying "Mama!" before Matt brought her over to settle in between us. Hopefully no one heard the cellophane rustling as we dug out the special treat her daddy had had to promise her (a marshmallow left over from potty training), as the bride herself walked in.

And Kalina's minute of fame was over, but it was a very sweet one. I couldn't have been prouder had she walked in on her own, curtsied, and sang a pretty little song for the occasion before releasing a single snow-white dove.

The rest of the ceremony was spent bouncing bunny-shaped crackers up and down her arms as she gobbled them up, pointing out pictures in a new book and chuckling with the rest of the crowd as she happily said "Dida" (Daddy) when Matt stood up as a reader.

And then the reception came, and the three of us were so relieved that the tough part was over that we all had quite a nice time. The low point came just before dinner was served, but was remedied well enough by allowing Kalina to eat every bit of three butter balls that were to be for our rolls.

The evening's entertainment included square-like dancing, and Kalina was an avid watcher. She smiled at the funny moves, and after a good long look decided she could try twirling on the dance floor herself, in an out-of-the-way corner. A Flower Girl is always a popular dance partner, and ours was no exception. However, she was also a picky one, and other than Mommy, would only dance with Grandma and two of her young second cousins (or first cousins once removed, or whatever--children of Matt's cousins).

By the time everyone was ready to take a break, it was close to 9:30 and Kalina seemed to realize she was up far, far, far past her bedtime, even in central time. She drifted off to sleep on the way back to the hotel, waking not much more than eight hours later, which was not late enough for any of us.

The rest of the trip passed rather peacefully. I trekked off the next day to a family reunion of my own while Matt and the rest of his family went to a lovely brunch. I left Kalina with Matt, rightly deciding that what she needed most was a long nap, not a long car ride and more new faces/places. While I was gone, she ate well, slept well, held toads captured in Matt's parents' yard and became so petrified of the neighborhood deer population that she refused to step foot outside, other than to go to the car, for the rest of the trip.

Meanwhile, I was able to refresh myself with lots of pampering, mostly in the form of uninterrupted conversation, plentiful food and the opportunity to sit down in a real chair (and not on the floor) for as long as I wanted to while not reading stories or building endless block houses.

And then we spent more downtime and an early birthday celebration with Grandma, Grandpa and Uncle Brian as we all tried to recover from the weekend's events, and then we were again on a plane headed homeward. After a short, awkward nap (because this flight was also during naptime), Kalina hardly stopped chanting the trip's mantra, "back home! Back home!" until we pulled into the driveway.

And that's the story of Kalina's experience as a Flower Girl. She served in her post to the best of her ability and, we believe, fulfilled her duties of supreme cuteness on the special day.

Photos:

1. Kalina happily playing with Cow as the reception began. Wedding couple in the background, as things should be (right, Kalina? :) ).
2. Playing with Grandma and cats (after the wedding, but I needed something to fill the space here). It too a while to get this shot because Kalina would keep jumping up to look at the picture just as the red eye flash was blinking.
3. Early birthday presents! (Also after the wedding) The cats wanted to be put into the bags, even before the presents were out of them.
4. See how well she did at the rehearsal?!? See!!!
5. Daddy and his little princess.
6. Playing with an early birthday present. 10 finger puppets--imagine that! One for each finger!
7. Kalina making her entrance!
8. Relaxing at the reception. Kalina brilliantly held a plastic cup in her mouth--no hands!--for the camera.
9. Dancing with Grandma.
10. See the empty chair? That's where I was sitting before snapping this photo. Just chatting and relaxing. Nice!