Don't try this at home

How cute, a happy baby taking a bath!

How stressful, two tired parents bathing a cute baby for the first time.

The problem was that a baby bath brings with it so many hazards you don't even think about until you're there. Plus, you have to get pictures for the baby book and blog.

Too hot!
The first concern, so the baby instruction manuals and common sense told me, is the temperature of the water. Thank goodness we have a "bath bear," a slightly ugly plastic tile with a picture of a teddy bear on it provided by the local burn center to test the water. Is it their version of Smokey the Bear? I laughed when I saw it, but quit laughing as soon as it tauntingly told me the water was a bit on the scalding side. And then a bit on the icy side. And then just right (Story idea: Goldilocks and the three Bath Bears). Unfortunately, by the time we actually had the baby ready to plop into the tub, the water had cooled too much and I had to start over. Bath Bear saved the day again.

Too cold!
By now, Kalina was stripped precariously of her clothing and diaper and wrapped in a towel to stay warm. This is the second major concern of bathing a baby: letting the baby get too cold. We'd gathered all our supplies ahead of time and filled the tub, so now the only thing left was to actually bathe the baby. We prepared ourselves for screams, but, crazy enough, she seemed to like it! We covered her with a warm washcloth and then...wait, the camera!

This became one of the few times we've sacrificed our child's well-being (or at least her potential happiness) for our own selfishness. Probably more mine than Matt's, to be fair. Matt sprinted out of the room, Kalina's body temperature plummeted (or so the books would have you think) and I loudly encouraged Matt to "hurry." He snapped a few pictures while Kalina wondered what all the fuss was about and enjoyed her bath.

Too deep!
Uh-oh, is the water supposed to be up around their ears? Is it okay if water actually gets in their ears? If it's not up to her ears, is it really a bath or just a glorified sponge bath? Just how deep is it supposed to be? None of the baby books had bothered to say. I let out a little water to be safe.

Too slippery!
Our baby bathtub has a raised middle portion with a slip-proof coating surrounded by pools for the water. Except the slip-proof coating isn't really slip-proof and our baby doesn't exactly not squirm, so we constantly had to keep her from sliding into the pools. The bathtub did not, unfortunately, come with instructions for how to do this. Nevertheless, we managed to produce a clean, unscathed baby.

Oops!
Then we toweled her off as Kalina tried her hardest to eat the towel and whisked her into the nursery for a fresh diaper and clean, cute onesie. Kalina, however, had other plans (perhaps frustrated by her inability to get a good bite of the towel). She soiled her towel, her little tushie and Matt with one smooth move. We wiped her up and proceeded as planned. Matt then needed to bathe but settled for clean clothes and hearty handwashing.

Mission accomplished, our baby is "clean!"